Burial + Four Tet - Nova

Notes II

If I could wear you like warpaint
I would
a slick rouge up the cheeks
to identify my patronage
remind me of purpose
to caution strangers
______________________________

Winter Palace, Saint Petersburg; The Alhambra; Ko Samui; Florence; The Vatican
______________________________

Andrea Doria

I don't care if you're a boat or a hole in a dirt road
Remains of a rotted cake, can hardly remember then
kissed her on both cheeks taught her to hate men
______________________________

I'm standing at the window
waiting to see a walking figure or headlights
some sign that you've arrived
some sign that you've stayed
______________________________

When I see you smile so genuinely, an old smile I feel like a boy so open it's a pleasure and a fear I never feel
like a boy
______________________________

If I were a prince I would like to imagine
that I was not the product of a dowager
that I was not imperious and vain
that I could hold no distance between stations
and that such gravity as I could provide
would be made manifest in smiles and hale greetings

Notes

Once I served The Nothing
My car is full of spiders
______________________________

I am going to cover one eye
I am depleting the quantity of incoming stimuli to the betterment of greater exclusivity
______________________________

Unable or unwilling to differentiate between varying collections of sensory experience and this location is indented and experience [illegible] all of colors and sounds the pressing immediacy of form and object
______________________________

Microfiche

Describe the circumstances in which one would level a flare gun at the horizon instead of vertically: entity one wishes to contact is both known and distant
______________________________

There's this false expectation that a relationship should last forever. And that's ridiculous. Every relationship eventually ends and that's okay. The expectation creates a hostage scenario. And it makes for awkward situations in which you can't be friends with that person or even be around them.
______________________________

Everything is moving but me most of all. I cannot be still I cannot find stillness nor certitude.
______________________________

trying to invent rules mutually exclusive goals worry about spectrum and brain growth rates

1. communicate/provide an authentic representation
2. successfully engage

grapple with the postmodern division that has become too common

do you see what I see? do you hear what I hear?
______________________________

Confessional
Deep leviathan crown prince of the new sincerity I am interested in the development of my personal brand I cannot function independently I am motivated by shame I need a girl who is better than me I am terrified of girls who are better than me I just want to get drunk and talk about dark matter I have a thing for ponytails
______________________________

as mistakes accrue
the extent of work that the muscles do
to hinder and hold what they might of you
truthfully, I don't know what you're going through
______________________________

Haunted House next door
wet rock and curtained windows
slate shingles flecked with oxblood and bleak view obstructed by bare trunks
and telephone wire
scaled siding, cake, spoiled sugar/confection
slime, serpentine
white chimney, cracked ivory darkened fire damage
especially today it's raining
______________________________

a peck, tip of my nose
the few strands that work their way across a headband
the hollow of my arms filled neatly
a soothing of the chest completely
the note I produce is a
vibration/a resonance
I think in D
I think in D
______________________________

this is so simple
a smaller pattern of fewer threads, one band of color,
don't spoil the arrangement
through touch
or at least insensate grabbing
a harsh and directionless need
______________________________

The benefit of breath
is largely
the altitude of momentum
and not
the power to comment on same
as once I suspected
______________________________

Geryon, Moloch
shall we mythologize
______________________________

FAVORITE
CRAVE
______________________________

Brunettes are great because the follicles are filled up so it feels like you're getting your money's worth.
______________________________

Identifying something as awkward says more about your lack of social facility than it does about the situation.
______________________________

"More weight"

The difference is temperance born of fatigue. A blunting of sensation (that allows for a cleaner, more efficient interaction of cogs) I don't feel so much better as *heavier* which mimics the motion of deliberate choice

a chronic but sustainable malaise

Henry Miller's Writing Commandments

1. Work on one thing at a time until finished.
2. Start no more new books, add no more new material to "Black Spring."
3. Don't be nervous. Work calmly, joyously, recklessly on whatever is in hand.
4. Work according to Program and not according to mood. Stop at the appointed time!
5. When you can't create you can work.
6. Cement a little every day, rather than add new fertilizers.
7. Keep human! See people, go places, drink if you feel like it.
8. Don't be a draught-horse! Work with pleasure only.
9. Discard the Program when you feel like it -- but go back to it the next day. Concentrate. Narrow down. Exclude.
10. Forget the books you want to write. Think only of the book you are writing.
11. Write first and always. Painting, music, friends, cinema, all these come afterwards.

Civilization

Feel this. Bathe in this.

Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The Disease Perspective

PTypes personality types proposes Compensatory Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of unstable, "overtly narcissistic behaviors [that] derive from an underlying sense of insecurity and weakness rather than from genuine feelings of self-confidence and high self-esteem" (Millon), beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by ten (or more) of the following:

·         X  seeks to create an illusion of superiority and to build up an image of high self-worth (Millon);

·         _  has disturbances in the capacity for empathy (Forman);

·         _  strives for recognition and prestige to compensate for the lack of a feeling of self-worth;

·         X  may acquire a deprecatory attitude in which the achievements of others are ridiculed and degraded (Millon);

·         X  has persistent aspirations for glory and status (Millon);

·         X  has a tendency to exaggerate and boast (Millon);

·         X  is sensitive to how others react to him or her, watches and listens carefully for critical judgment, and feels slighted by disapproval (Millon);

·         X  is prone to feel shamed and humiliated and especially hyper-anxious and vulnerable to the judgments of others (Millon);

·         X  covers up a sense of inadequacy and deficiency with pseudo-arrogance and pseudo-grandiosity (Millon);

·         _  has a tendency to periodic hypochondria (Forman);

·         X  alternates between feelings of emptiness and deadness and states of excitement and excess energy (Forman);

·         X  entertains fantasies of greatness, constantly striving for perfection, genius, or stardom (Forman);

·         X  has a history of searching for an idealized partner and has an intense need for affirmation and confirmation in relationships (Forman);

·         X  frequently entertains a wishful, exaggerated, and unrealistic concept of himself or herself which he or she can't possibly measure up to (Reich);

·         _  produces (too quickly) work not up to the level of his or her abilities because of an overwhelmingly strong need for the immediate gratification of success (Reich);

·         X  is touchy, quick to take offense at the slightest provocation, continually anticipating attack and danger, reacting with anger and fantasies of revenge when he or she feels frustrated in his or her need for constant admiration (Reich);

·         X  is self-conscious, due to a dependence on approval from others (Reich);

·         X  suffers regularly from repetitive oscillations of self-esteem (Reich);

·         X  seeks to undo feelings of inadequacy by forcing everyone's attention and admiration upon himself or herself (Reich);

·         X  may react with self-contempt and depression to the lack of fulfillment of his or her grandiose expectations (Riso).

The Behavior Perspective

"Delophilia: ["exhibitionism"] can be defined as the desire to express oneself and to fascinate others by one's self-exposure, to show and to impress, to merge with the other through communication" (Wurmser, pg. 158). With the delophilic drive "the subject basically wants to overpower the object by the magic force of his expressions, of his looking, talking, and thinking; he wants to fascinate, charm, mesmerize, magnetize, subjugate the other and merge with him" (pg. 165).


"Theatophilia ["idealization"] can be defined as the desire to watch and observe, to admire and to be fascinated, to merge and master through attentive looking"...(pg. 158). With the theatophilic drive "the magical force of the object is incorporated, identified with, submitted to, and merged with, with the help of looking, hearing, and being touched; one is filled with, gripped by the power of the awe-inspiring object and becomes enthusiastically enriched" (pg. 165).

Thanks Mark. I have no idea what to do with this information.

No More Michael Jackson

I listen to this over and over and over.